Pope, Bear and Loggers

[ClayBarham]

Here's one circulating on the net.

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear. As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the third tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true." As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?" "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom." "Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure don't know anything about bear hunting! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"

[Scorpion]

Excellent one Clay. LMAO. :madlaugh::madlaugh::madlaugh:

One good turn deserves another...

News Anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, Today Show personality Katie Couric and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief.

The chief said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."


Katie Couric said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Katie dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.

"What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.

So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead.


In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire.

As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"

"What!?" said the Marine, "And have all you liberal *******s call ME the aggressor?!?"

[HumanBeast]

Many Christians hate the Pope.

[Alonzo]

When I raid this I thought:

"Loggers make Pope Bear angry, Pope Bear must kill loggers".

[ClayBarham]

HumanBeast...the quote originates from one of literature's greatest liars. He lied about a fellow citizen while in Virginia City and had to skip town or be challenged to a duel. He could really fabricate. He started writing when in Nevada, and his letters were so good the Territorial Enterprise hired him as a reporter. He couldn't wait for a story but spent a lot of his time fabricating them so he could make the news what he wanted it to be, though it was humorous and well received by his public, until he hurt some folks. He got his pen name, at the suggestion of his pal Dan deQuill (also a pen name) at Piper's saloon when the bartender saw the two of them coming in and wrote on the bar tab, saying, "Mark Twain." He did not get his name from the river boat days, long before he ever thought of being a writer, a thought that only crossed his mind because he was told by the Territorial Enterprise he could write. Now, I expect all the believers in the river boat theory to come unglued. Let's see....