What the meaning of ''is'' is

[mammalicious]

I feel the most appropriate place for this is in the religion thread, as it deals with morality.


This has been weighing on me, as someone close to me is acting in a way that doesn't look good. I care for both him and his wife. The further dilemma is should someone who suspects infidelity inform the spouse 'victimized'? I realize that doing so is a 'kill the messenger' scenario.

Maybe this could have gone into the ''online confessional thread''!!:innocent:

[BoogyMan]

Hey Momma, that sounds like a bad situation.

It has always been my understanding from passages such as Matthew 19:9 that adultery is the actual act of extramarital intercourse. The other things in the list you posted would definitely be wrong, but not adultery.

Do you have direct knowledge of this person involving his or herself in such activity? If so, it would seem a tough thing to tell the spouse, but it would be the right thing to do.

If you are simply in a position of speculation though such actions could be precipitous.

[mammalicious]

I understand your basis in scripture, but I honestly don't think that back then, in that extremely patriarchal society, that there were a lot of 'sensitive men' around to connect with women on an emotional level, that would require a clarification. I could be wrong.

I think that emotionless sex is just as bad as an affectionate emotional relationship that has never been consummated. Both put another into the marriage relationship in a capacity that they shouldn't be in. The spouse should have BOTH aspects..physical AND emotional.

You're right, it's a tough spot. I (and others) have tried talking to the man to the response of ''there's nothing you can say that will make me stop seeing her.'' While he denies intercourse...he meets her at the drop of a hat, calls her, buys her gifts, has paid bills for her, lies to his wife about his whereabouts, and calls her to be sure of her location before he meets up with the other woman. I just don't want to be the one that will deliver the news that will break his wife's heart.

[April15]

Mammalicious,
You only have one choice, confront the fillanderer. If no response then the wife. You would want to know if the roles were reversed!

[mammalicious]

Mammalicious,
You only have one choice, confront the fillanderer. If no response then the wife. You would want to know if the roles were reversed!



You're right..I would want to know, and I respect his wife very much...that doesn't mean I want to be the one that delivers the news. He has been confronted, but laughs it off, and says that he won't stop seeing her...yet insists there's no intercourse. Do I go to the wife with suspicions based on appearances of impropriety? Granted, the circumstantial evidence is pretty overwhelming. Once that genie of distrust and betrayal is released, it can't be undone, and it would have been my doing.

[jafar00]

Mammalicious,
You only have one choice, confront the fillanderer. If no response then the wife. You would want to know if the roles were reversed!



You're right..I would want to know, and I respect his wife very much...that doesn't mean I want to be the one that delivers the news. He has been confronted, but laughs it off, and says that he won't stop seeing her...yet insists there's no intercourse. Do I go to the wife with suspicions based on appearances of impropriety? Granted, the circumstantial evidence is pretty overwhelming. Once that genie of distrust and betrayal is released, it can't be undone, and it would have been my doing.


If you have confronted him, you have done all you can as a concerned friend. He is insisting there is no intercourse, and without witnessing it, you can't just condemn on suspicion despite appearances.
You should continue to try and convince your friend to break this off before he does something to regret.

[Truth_and_Power]

That's though but if he refuses to fess up or change and you're sure that it's atleast 3/4 of the way around the bases I would make it clear. From the dishonesty involved it sounds like it. You'll probably lose both friendships but someone has to stand up for the poor girl.