GHJ
06-13-2008, 06:11 PM
NOAH
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has
become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end
of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save two of every
living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have six months to build the Ark before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months
later, the Lord looked down and saw
Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah,
"but things have changed.
I needed a building
permit.
I've been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I've violated
the neighborhood zoning laws by building the
Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation
demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood
to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals,
an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining
wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were
too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put
so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA
ruled that I couldn't build the
Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study
on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a
complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I'm supposed to
hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization
are checking the green-card status
of most of the people who want to work.
The trade unions say I can't use my
sons. They insist I have to hire only Union
workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized
all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the
country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take
at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun
began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going
to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
"The government beat
me to it."
Seen on another message board.
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has
become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end
of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save two of every
living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have six months to build the Ark before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months
later, the Lord looked down and saw
Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah,
"but things have changed.
I needed a building
permit.
I've been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I've violated
the neighborhood zoning laws by building the
Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation
demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood
to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals,
an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining
wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were
too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put
so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA
ruled that I couldn't build the
Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study
on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a
complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I'm supposed to
hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization
are checking the green-card status
of most of the people who want to work.
The trade unions say I can't use my
sons. They insist I have to hire only Union
workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized
all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the
country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take
at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun
began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going
to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
"The government beat
me to it."
Seen on another message board.