Scribbler1
04-27-2008, 04:05 AM
IN RETIREMENT:
Working people frequently ask retired people what they
do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and
went into a shop. In there only about 5 minutes, I
came out to find a cop writing out a parking ticket. I
walked up to him and said, "Come on man, how about
giving a retired person a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I
called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I
called him another name. He finished the second
ticket, put it on the windshield with the first and
started writing a third ticket. This went on for about
20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he
wrote.
Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus
and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a
bumper sticker that said"Hillary in '08." I try to
have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It's important to my health!
*****************************************
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and
discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas.
In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven
fingers in an accident. I reattached them and 8
months later he performed a private concert for the
Queen of England."
The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man
lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached
them and 2 years later he won a gold
medal in track and field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs.
Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and
marijuana rode a horse head-on into a train
traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work
with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass.
I was able to put them together, and now she's running
for President."
**************************************
Bill Clinton started jogging near his home in
Chappaqua.
But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker
standing on the same street corner, day after day.
With some apprehension he would brace himself as he
approached her for what was most certainly to follow.
"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.
"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton.
This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued�
for days.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"
And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"
One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to
accompany her husband on his jog!
As the jogging couple neared the problematic street
corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50
offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been
doing on all his past outings.
He realized he should have a darn good explanation
for the presidential hopeful.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past
the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than
usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker!
Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she
watched the pair jog past.
Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled...
See what you get for five bucks!?"
Working people frequently ask retired people what they
do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and
went into a shop. In there only about 5 minutes, I
came out to find a cop writing out a parking ticket. I
walked up to him and said, "Come on man, how about
giving a retired person a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I
called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I
called him another name. He finished the second
ticket, put it on the windshield with the first and
started writing a third ticket. This went on for about
20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he
wrote.
Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus
and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a
bumper sticker that said"Hillary in '08." I try to
have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It's important to my health!
*****************************************
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and
discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas.
In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven
fingers in an accident. I reattached them and 8
months later he performed a private concert for the
Queen of England."
The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man
lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached
them and 2 years later he won a gold
medal in track and field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs.
Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and
marijuana rode a horse head-on into a train
traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work
with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass.
I was able to put them together, and now she's running
for President."
**************************************
Bill Clinton started jogging near his home in
Chappaqua.
But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker
standing on the same street corner, day after day.
With some apprehension he would brace himself as he
approached her for what was most certainly to follow.
"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.
"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton.
This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued�
for days.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"
And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"
One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to
accompany her husband on his jog!
As the jogging couple neared the problematic street
corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50
offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been
doing on all his past outings.
He realized he should have a darn good explanation
for the presidential hopeful.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past
the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than
usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker!
Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she
watched the pair jog past.
Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled...
See what you get for five bucks!?"